Words

Let me just take this time to get everyone updated as to what has been happening the past six months or so.Most recently I have been enjoying the killer new season of Doctor Who. The rest of TV has begun to air as well, but for some reason more than ever it just isn't stirring anything in me. This is more than likely an offshoot of changes I felt after our cats died. Certain things have just become less than important. Doctor Who is not one of those things, thankfully.

After we decided to postpone the wedding, I put it out of my mind for a while. Both Scott and I then fell back into the time/money vacuum known as Second Life. It was different this time. Mostly we played together, renting some land together and breeding some cute simulated pets. It was nice, except for the amount of money we pumped into it.

I made a decision to spend less time on and get back to my writing. Coincidentally, there was a fire at Scott's restaurant, plunging us into a frenzy. We sold a couple of things on Craigslist. Funny enough, they were two things we bought at the same time, my Bose headphones and Scott's laptop. So Scott's old tower that I had been using went back to him and I went back to my old tower, which had died at some point after it's last use. Now I am on my reeeaaalllyyy old laptop. It did take Windows 10 but is still a bit sluggish. Definitely no gaming.

Nevertheless I have been successful at completing a few new stories in this time, and am deciding how to proceed, be it submitting something to a contest or trying to have something published. I am but one story away from having a book length collection of stories about my creation, The Witch of Nothing.

Scott and I successfully emerged out of the year of the itch. The only other thing I have done successfully for eight years is to age. Right after our anniversary, Scott got a new job. It's going well, but he will have a decision to make because the old restaurant will be wanting him back after they finish rebuilding the kitchen.

It was at this point I got the idea to reset the date. Subconsciously I had the idea of doing it by the time of our original wedding, so I just made it in time. With a new job, the prospect of the return of a job, and a year to plan (with a sweet head start) the time just felt right. There was no way I was just going to let the idea fade away.

Some people say, "Oh, a piece of paper doesn't change anything," but they're wrong. The piece of paper represents and idea, a concept, which are both very powerful forces. You may not see any physical evidence of change, but the intangible feelings that come with it are unmistakably powerful. Scott and I won't be "more together" after we get married, but we will be able to, with a word, express to others how deep our love is for each other, for why would we want to keep that to ourselves? For now, I'm happy we are able have such a word again. Fiancee.

Suspended In Time

I know there has been a bit of a delay, but there has also been a lot to do. My jury duty date came and went, I was excused before I even had to go, so no juicy murder case for me. Tomorrow is my eye appointment to get new glasses, so I have to get to bed early tonight. We've been online gaming a lot, so lots of late mornings. We also lost three of our four goldfish. The fourth is in the ten gallon quarantine tank until I can thoroughly clean the big aquarium. Poor lonely feller.

But before I could update you, I had to contact some people first, like the owner of Phoenix & Dragon and also our officiant, Nan. Now that that is done I can let you know that we are having to postpone the wedding. Simply put we didn't give ourselves enough time. I don't know about my affluent readers, but on our budget, four months was not enough. The point is that we are moving it, not forgetting it. Plus we have a great head start.

We haven't really discussed a new date yet, what with the series of deaths that hit us, but I thought that January 23rd sounded nice because it would be 1.23 which would be easy to remember. That's an additional five months, so maybe. I have no problem having a Spring wedding, except it seems to me that would be a very busy time. Candace Apple, love that name, the owner of Phoenix & Dragon, is very amenable to our moving the date. Our honeymoon reservations are also changeable.

Once we have the date I'll announce it and the ball will start rolling again. I am already more confidant this time because of all the planning that's been completed. Almost eight years together and our love is still strong, so this is not a bad thing. It's just the biggest change yet, and kind of scary, which is why I've been afraid to share.

Who knows? This might be just what we need to add a few bells and whistles. Oooh, Spring could mean short sleeves and we can show off our tattoos!

Watch Out The First Step's A Doozie!

  Before I start, I would like to make it clear that I have never thought that AA fails in it's purpose. I think that AA is very beneficial to a person's fight against alcoholism. Nevertheless I am aware that this post may rub some people the wrong way. But I stand behind everything I say here.

    So what do we know about Alcoholics Anonymous, aside from what, in my experience, is a lack of anonymity? People seem to proudly wear it like a badge of honor, and why not? The program has helped millions to stop drinking. And then it goes even further. It helps them stop drinking again. And again. It never stops helping. And the people never stop needing the help. And the help is always there, or maybe it's never there.

    AA has been around since 1935, always with the primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics stay sober. It started as a non-denominational movement, but employed a twelve step system of spiritual and character development, a system still in use today. AA states that they desire to "bring about recovery from alcoholism through a spiritual awakening". It is this spiritual element that I feel is one of the reasons AA fails as a long-term solution, as well as going against one of the twelve traditions adopted in 1946, to include all who wish to stop drinking.

    If you are an atheist or agnostic, you cannot even get past the first step of admitting how powerless you are over alcohol, and in the need of help from a higher power as the only thing necessary to recover. Unless you lie to your sponsor, it's impossible to move forward in the steps designed to facilitate a recovery from alcoholism. There are simply no accommodations made for those who have no belief in any type of spiritual being in power over them, the very foundation of the entire organization. Perhaps this is one reason why, by their own data, over half of their members drop out in the first year. Another reason may be a weariness from constant struggles to remain sober. Or it could possibly be that a percentage of them come to the realisation that they do not need the group to succeed. Maybe it's the daily notation of how long it has been since the last drink, like a backwards countdown growing heavier on the soul as time passes.

    When I was in Narcotics Anonymous, there were many times I had to attend AA meetings when those I attended were unavailable. It really doesn't matter, they're all the same. But with minor differences to account for things like substance of choice, social group, or religious inclusion. Even stronger than the higher power aspect, I had objections with the notion that I was, and always would be, completely powerless in this situation. This counter-enlightenment philosophy is the other main reason I feel AA fails as a long-term solution. As long as people believe they are powerless, they will be. But if you teach them that they have the strength and capacity to make these choices by using their own power and reasoning, you show them that with help, time, and determination they will find doing it on their own easier, eventually leading to the loss of the 'crutches' that got them this far. No grown person who isn't handicapped is powerless over controlling their actions.

    AA also has rules that are simply 'frowned upon'. I do not believe these contribute in any major way to what is wrong with AA, but they certainly don't help. The rule about not dating another group member is sane enough for me, but in groups I attended it was strongly encouraged that I "lose" my friends that were not in some form of recovery. In this same vein, it was not a good idea to be found in any place that serves alcohol, going so far as to say "quit your job" if you handle alcohol, such as being a waiter or grocery store cashier. These play into the whole powerless theme, which is a fallacy. Yes, addiction is very powerful, but it is not some sentient beast you battle. Addiction can create a pattern of thoughts or desires in your mind, but ultimately it's your mind that controls your actions, not the desire itself.

    They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, which many times is true. But unless you have severe mental problems, you can't fail to recognize that , simply put, dogs are not people. The human mind is incredible, and it can be used to change negative patterns of behavior, if you have the time and patience to do so. People do it all the time, at any age. Don't you dare let someone, many times a complete stranger, tell you what you're not capable of doing with your mind. I don't know you, but I have full confidence that you can do it.

     One last thing that I felt was very counterproductive to recovery was the fact that all we talked about was alcohol and/or drugs in NA. Constant talk about using, trying not to use, how to use, the way it felt when using, where they got it from, or how many hours exactly it's been since the last drop of sweet nectar/devil juice. The more meetings I attended, the more I thought about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. But once I stopped, once I tapped into the inner strength we all possess to simply do or not do something, half the battle was won. Sure, it takes practice, it takes perseverance, but don't believe for one minute that it isn't possible. Your 'higher power' may be there to give you strength, but you are the one that takes the actions. Otherwise we would have groups of people who are 'powerless' over drinking Windex. Perhaps serial rapists, in lieu of  jail time, would find redemption through their higher power in Rapists Anonymous. These are actions, not feelings. We can control them.
Alcoholics Anonymous supports positive thinking and meditation, but where they fall short is in the application of these processes to improve yourself. Instead the repeated message you are telling yourself is that you do not have the ability to do it on your own. And it works. You begin to believe what is being said, causing it to become true. But imagine how effective you can be by turning it into a positive message of strength and control. It starts with one small step: changing the message.

    I would like to sincerely apologize if anyone has been offended by this blog. I am sorry, not for the content, but because I truly do not mean any offense to members of AA. I just believe that those stuck in an endless cycle of recovery  have not yet come to the realization of what they can accomplish. What I write is of my own opinions and experiences with AA and the mental health industry. AA is a great starting point to help you break the shackles of alcoholism, but why replace them with other shackles? Shackles that can still reach the bottle. If you take the time to investigate, I am 100% sure that you will find this entire blog to be true. Well, everything except the first two sentences.

Up Next... A Palette Cleanser.

UPDATE: In a few more posts I will share a reply I received regarding this subject.