Something Blue-Something New

Is it possible to be your own something blue for the wedding? I know It will be a happy day, there are no fears about my desire to marry Scott. It's just difficult sometimes to maneuver the happiness when you have little control emotionally. I have to medicate an hour before bedtime just to keep my sleepy mind from rehashing every worry currently plaguing me. Similarly, when I get up, I need two hours to try and pull myself out of the same worries as well as every doubt and fear I've collected along the way. Nothing is as it seems to me during this time, which is why I have a rule not to write any emails or comments until I've been up for at least two hours. This way my brain wakes up and can filter my messages, guarding against leaving angry or incisive comments, or worse, deciding to send a friendly email to someone I purposely ended contact with. It is, however, the perfect time to to make any complaint calls needed.

Everything so far has been a huge rollercoaster. Right now, after a tummy tickling set of curves and drops, I'm clickity clacking my way up another hill, only to have to car stop halfway.

The vaporizing is on hold. The stupid things were leaking. It was an experiment of volume control as I had to insist they return my money. After several trips to the manager's office, he did indeed give the money back for my vaporizer, and exchanged Scott's, getting most of the money back for his. I'm going to see how his new one functions and if it continues to work well, I may buy the same one. Until then, I'm just trying to cut back on my expensive, little, paper tubes of disappointment.

Then, just when I think that at least things are piecing together, and how maybe it will come together, we get a storm and lightning hits. Suddenly, when I start my computer now, I have to press F1 because it says the battery voltage is low. I don't know how to go into F2 to try and fix it. It may be my imagination, but I think it's effecting performance. My writing is all on an external, but you've got to have something to access it. It's just another one of those things with bad timing, a horribly expensive thingy.

Okay, last of the woe paragraphs and I'll end on something good.

The great news is there are only 98 days left. What worries me most about this is that there are only 98 days left. Back on the good side again, I only have 98 more days to be a nervous wreck (about this). Things are gradually coming together, we'v just reached a point where I'm going to stop hoping for certain things, like having our rings in time. With regular expenses, new ones, potential ones, it's just feeling highly unlikely. It's discouraging when even economical isn't within grasp.

Okay, I promised some good.

The wedding cake topper is beautiful. It's slightly larger than expected, which is fine because we still have time to adjust the cake. It was a good choice on Scott's part. The ink well pen-holder came today. I haven't opened it yet because Scott's still asleep. Everything else besides the handfasting cord has shipped. She makes those to order. She's also a little behind, so it's a good thing we ordered it early.

Last night Scott asked me what else we need to get. There is still quite a list, but I'm going to go through it because I can actually check off some things. Fiancee is off tomorrow and Monday, so I may see if he wants to head to the mall for 3 things. To get prices at the tuxedo rental I can never remember the name of. Savvi, that's it. Also, we need to try on Converse high tops, well Scott does. I have never met anyone who could wear so many shoe sizes depending on the brand. Mine has been the same since I was 13, but I do know they vary. Then we can pop in a jewlery store and verify the Google's method for measuring ring sizes. Oh, and I almost forgot. Taco Bell.

Since we are having troubles finding burgundy shoes, for some reason, we have decided to switch to these.

Okay, Scott is up so I'm going to ease him into his day because he has a long work shift in a couple of hours.