I Am Groomzilla, Hear Me Roar

Hi! i'm Groomzilla, and I'll be co-hosting for the next 90 days covering any problems or stress I'm experiencing. You won't always notice I'm here, but when you do, you will.

Last time I mentioned some possible news, which is still in the works, but could prove to be the biggest change so far. There's a lot that applies, calls to be made, plans firmly cemented, but trust me this is big. Like, maybe order new invitations big. Which cuts my turnaround time seriously, especially since I should be mailing them now. I will furnish you with one more clue, which may or may not be literal.

The boxes that came are nicely made. The ring box is a little larger than I thought it was, but that's not even an issue. Fiancee mentioned there was no way for the ring to stand up. Shows how much I was thinking, i was just going to chuck them in. It's velvet lined. So I thought about it and it's nothing a small piece of foam and scrap of velvet won't fix.

Speaking of, Himself is off today and tomorrow so maybe a few things can get decided, like cake and/or food. I'm still loving the idea of cupcakes with a small cake for our topper. And to cut. Ooh, I need to show him the frames I found for the guest page.

That reminds me. I got a new idea for what to wear. Need to run those ideas past Scott, too, so we can have that settled. Oh my god, so much isn't settled.

I'm very tired today. I got to bed late after doing practically nothing, then at 930 I gave up on the incredible shrinking bed space and got up. The gay couple downstairs were at it early. Screaming, not sex. I think the sex might be when it sounds like someone's being thrown against the walls.

Did I mention I'm bipolar? Had it for ages. Been on meds and now I just have to ride the waves. It's making it hard to maneuver this process. Daily I can slip into despair over whether or not we can pull this off. Just as easily I can get over excited and make a wrong choice. To be a Groomzilla, strong potential i have.

That's it. Time to remove myself from this cat and move around. Also time for some hot, city-fresh air as I go get sugar. Scott probably won't be up for a little while so I can do that and then either read or write. Hopefully both today.

In summation...
Big development coming
2 days of couples planning
I'm up and down, so be wary of Groomzilla

Something Blue-Something New

Is it possible to be your own something blue for the wedding? I know It will be a happy day, there are no fears about my desire to marry Scott. It's just difficult sometimes to maneuver the happiness when you have little control emotionally. I have to medicate an hour before bedtime just to keep my sleepy mind from rehashing every worry currently plaguing me. Similarly, when I get up, I need two hours to try and pull myself out of the same worries as well as every doubt and fear I've collected along the way. Nothing is as it seems to me during this time, which is why I have a rule not to write any emails or comments until I've been up for at least two hours. This way my brain wakes up and can filter my messages, guarding against leaving angry or incisive comments, or worse, deciding to send a friendly email to someone I purposely ended contact with. It is, however, the perfect time to to make any complaint calls needed.

Everything so far has been a huge rollercoaster. Right now, after a tummy tickling set of curves and drops, I'm clickity clacking my way up another hill, only to have to car stop halfway.

The vaporizing is on hold. The stupid things were leaking. It was an experiment of volume control as I had to insist they return my money. After several trips to the manager's office, he did indeed give the money back for my vaporizer, and exchanged Scott's, getting most of the money back for his. I'm going to see how his new one functions and if it continues to work well, I may buy the same one. Until then, I'm just trying to cut back on my expensive, little, paper tubes of disappointment.

Then, just when I think that at least things are piecing together, and how maybe it will come together, we get a storm and lightning hits. Suddenly, when I start my computer now, I have to press F1 because it says the battery voltage is low. I don't know how to go into F2 to try and fix it. It may be my imagination, but I think it's effecting performance. My writing is all on an external, but you've got to have something to access it. It's just another one of those things with bad timing, a horribly expensive thingy.

Okay, last of the woe paragraphs and I'll end on something good.

The great news is there are only 98 days left. What worries me most about this is that there are only 98 days left. Back on the good side again, I only have 98 more days to be a nervous wreck (about this). Things are gradually coming together, we'v just reached a point where I'm going to stop hoping for certain things, like having our rings in time. With regular expenses, new ones, potential ones, it's just feeling highly unlikely. It's discouraging when even economical isn't within grasp.

Okay, I promised some good.

The wedding cake topper is beautiful. It's slightly larger than expected, which is fine because we still have time to adjust the cake. It was a good choice on Scott's part. The ink well pen-holder came today. I haven't opened it yet because Scott's still asleep. Everything else besides the handfasting cord has shipped. She makes those to order. She's also a little behind, so it's a good thing we ordered it early.

Last night Scott asked me what else we need to get. There is still quite a list, but I'm going to go through it because I can actually check off some things. Fiancee is off tomorrow and Monday, so I may see if he wants to head to the mall for 3 things. To get prices at the tuxedo rental I can never remember the name of. Savvi, that's it. Also, we need to try on Converse high tops, well Scott does. I have never met anyone who could wear so many shoe sizes depending on the brand. Mine has been the same since I was 13, but I do know they vary. Then we can pop in a jewlery store and verify the Google's method for measuring ring sizes. Oh, and I almost forgot. Taco Bell.

Since we are having troubles finding burgundy shoes, for some reason, we have decided to switch to these.

Okay, Scott is up so I'm going to ease him into his day because he has a long work shift in a couple of hours.

Turning to Vapor

First of all, I haaaaaate window shopping. Wait, first of first of all, expect even more pictures later. I'll be finishing up the bubble bottles today. I got a little side tracked a couple of days ago when my fiancee, Scott, the cat's pajamas, surprised me with a chunk of the wedding budget. This is where I came in.

I hate window shopping. It isn't bad for something big like a wedding, but i'm a get-in and get-out kind of shopper. Usually I know what I want, having researched all my choices online, but it's frustrating because you don't get the money shot. Now,there is a different type of exploratory shopping, such as when you have a long wish list, get some money, and then I have to decide the best combination of stuff to get with what I have on hand.

Two things I did purchase already are the cake topper and our handfasting cord. The cord will have a burgundy ribbon in place of the brown ribbon.

In addition to these delights, I have a cart on Amazon and Etsy, but I will share those purchases after I make them this evening. Before I make the purchase we are leaving (yikes, in 75 minutes) to make a different purchase.

So you hear time and time again that you have to spend money to make money. Utter nonsense sometimes, but in this case it's real. Quitting smoking was a hyper-fiasco, and we are not unfamiliar with vaporizering, so we are off to get kitted up again to end the cigarettes. Vapeing (it will be in the dictionary one day) is cheaper, much cheaper. Doing it together is a double edged sword. We have each other for support, but we also must suffer the little cravings, ours and theirs, and how they make us act. Health and fortune are on the horizon. Maybe even realistically affordable insurance.

Okay, so after we get back I'll know how much I have and can order more wedding goodies. I have some great things in the carts and am very, very excited about them. I'll be back later today with both more news on shopping, as well as a look-see at the finished bubbles.

Now I just need for Scott to get up so we can go, 'cuz mama's only got 4 cigarettes left.